Veranda Tales-One size doesn’t fit all
Storytelling has been an integral part of my life since childhood. I grew up listening to stories during the hot summer evenings and nights with my cousins. Mothers and grandmothers would gather all of us children for story time. It was usually pitch dark except for a very faint light coming from the flickering candle. Power cuts were as frequent as the hot and humid summer days. We all spread out on a cool concrete floor or bamboo mats on the veranda intently listening to fascinating stories about kings, queens, princes, princesses, and peasants alike. Stories about love, life, families, and people entertained and taught us life skills. These stories transported us to distant worlds, strange yet familiar. Often the same story told by two people sounded different as storytellers added new twists and turns adding their personal style and flair to the stories.
Storytelling wasn’t limited to summer evenings and bedtime. I was surrounded by adults who didn’t pass up an opportunity to share their wisdom using the art of storytelling. These rich vibrant oral traditions include songs, poems, stories, and సామెతలు (Sametalu are proverbs in Telugu). Men and women sing songs as they work in the fields, grinding grains and spices and doing other daily chores at their homes. Stories are often used to teach important life lessons, interpersonal skills, and survival skills. These stories and the time spent listening to them made our lives richer leaving an impression on me. This series is all about reliving those memories as I share these stories.
జిహ్వకో రుచి, పుర్రెకో బుద్ధి (jihvako ruchi, purreko budhi)
Cooking for a family can be difficult especially when people have differing tastes. I like కొత్తిమీర (kothimeera is cilantro in Telugu) and garlic. There are very few things I cook without adding garlic. Cilantro tastes like soap to my younger son. He is among the small minority of people who have a variation in a group of olfactory-receptor genes that can strongly perceive the soapy-flavored aldehydes in cilantro leaves. Delicious కొత్తిమీర (kothimeera) కోడి ( kodi is chicken in Telugu) tastes like chicken cooked in green soap to him. My కొత్తిమీర కోడి (kothimeera kodi) receipe has been collecting dust ever since I found out about this special gift that is bestowed on my little one. So is my టొమేటో పప్పు (tomato pappu is daal with tomatoes) generously garnished with cilantro. Thankfully everybody in the house loves garlic which is a relief.
Cooking food everybody enjoys is definitely a challenge. Even if everybody loves daal, there is the pesky texture issue. Some people like large pieces of potatoes cooked just right. I like potatoes cooked so soft that they are almost mashed. Buffets are created to solve just this problem.
The first part of this sameta, జిహ్వకో రుచి (jihvako ruchi) means everybody has their own likes and dislikes. This could be about what they like to drink or eat and what their values are. Some people like coffee and others like tea. It is mind boggling to see how many soft drinks choices are out there while touring the World of Coca-Cola.
The second part of this sameta, పుర్రెకో బుద్ధి (purreko budhi) means everyone has different ideas in their brains. This sameta illustrates how different people solve problems differently and have very different attitudes towards the choices they make in their lives. We are all walking around solving problems all day long living our lives in a way that suits us the best. These choices could be about mundane things such as which restaurant we like to who we would pick as our partner to spend our lives with.
Our interests and tastes change over time. As our world expands with new experiences, so do our interests and ideas. This sameta has a deeper meaning than how different people have different tastes regarding what they eat and drink and different people have different ideas and beliefs. This sameta tells us that it is normal for people to have different tastes and ideas and that our tastes are as unique as our DNA and fingerprints. It conveys the message that it is perfectly normal to be different and we should respect and celebrate our differences.
This doesn’t mean that if we feel like it, we can drive in the wrong direction. There is a need to conform to live in a civil society, however judging others who are different from us can lead to negativity and unnecessary strife among individuals. The pressure to conform can become too oppressive. People are afraid to step out of the norm in the fear of disappointing their parents and loved ones. They could be pressured into choosing a profession they don’t enjoy. They might be pressured to give up their careers to raise children as it is expected of them to do so. It is hard to swim upstream out of fear of judgment. Some of us are better at the art of swimming upstream than others.
అమ్మ (amma is mother in Telugu) told me she would like to live on her own after నాన్న (nanna is father in Telugu) passed away. She trusted me and placed the responsibility of making that happen on my shoulders. This was hard for me on several levels. Part of me said, it would be so much easier emotionally and logistically to simply tell her to stay with me. Part of me knew she wouldn’t be happy living as a dependent. She has an independent spirit that can’t be caged. The only person she depended on both emotionally and financially was my father. She and I both knew her choice to live on her own goes against the norms and expectations that parents, especially mothers, should be cared for by their children. I was under a lot of pressure to ignore her wishes and force her to stay with me. I chose to honor her wishes. She now lives on her own at a senior care place surrounded by banana and coconut farms. The senior care place grows their own fruits and vegetables. There is a large container garden on the terrace.
She enjoys a peaceful retirement life spending time with her peers who live there. We spend quality time together when I visit her. I am proud of her for choosing to live according to her wishes instead of what others would want her to do.
Swimming against the norms hasn’t been easy for either one of us. She still faces questions about why she lives alone from some friends and family members. I have to explain to friends and family about her decision to live on her own and why I allowed it to happen. People assume there must be some reason why she wouldn’t want to live with her children. Some people assume the worst and make comments about her having been abandoned by her selfish children. Others wisely understand, one size doesn’t fit all and that this is what works for her. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and that, my mother is not forced to live on her own and she indeed loves living an independent life. To skeptics and judging conformists, I humbly say, జిహ్వకో రుచి, పుర్రెకో బుద్ధి (jihvako ruchi, purreko budhi)!