Veranda Tales-My Naanamma’s excellence
Storytelling has been an integral part of my life since childhood. I grew up listening to stories during the hot summer evenings and nights with my cousins. Mothers and grandmothers would gather all of us children for story time. It was usually pitch dark except for a very faint light coming from the flickering candle. Power cuts were as frequent as the hot and humid summer days. We all spread out on a cool concrete floor or bamboo mats on the veranda intently listening to fascinating stories about kings, queens, princes, princesses, and peasants alike. Stories about love, life, families, and people entertained and taught us life skills. These stories transported us to distant worlds, strange yet familiar. Often the same story told by two people sounded different as storytellers added new twists and turns adding their personal style and flair to the stories.
Storytelling wasn’t limited to summer evenings and bedtime. I was surrounded by adults who didn’t pass up an opportunity to share their wisdom using the art of storytelling. These rich vibrant oral traditions include songs, poems, stories, and సామెతలు (Sametalu are proverbs in Telugu). Men and women sing songs as they work in the fields, grinding grains and spices and doing other daily chores at their homes. Stories are often used to teach important life lessons, interpersonal skills, and survival skills. These stories and the time spent listening to them made our lives richer leaving an impression on me. This series is all about reliving those memories as I share these stories.
ఆహూ ఊహూ ... అత్త లేని కోడలుత్తమురాలు ఓయమ్మా కోడల్లేని అత్త గుణవంతురాలు ఓయమ్మా ... ఆహూ ఊహూ (aahuu uuhuu … atta leni kodalu uttamuraalu oyammaa, kodalu leni atta gunavanturaalu ... aahuu uuhuu)
జానపద సాహిత్యం (jaanapada saahityam) is folklore in Telugu and జానపద గీతాలు (jaanapada geetaalu) are folk songs in Telugu. They both describe traditions, relationships, and life in general. The song “ఆహూ ఊహూ ... అత్త లేని కోడలుత్తమురాలు ఓయమ్మా కోడల్లేని అత్త గుణవంతురాలు ఓయమ్మా ... ఆహూ ఊహూ (aahuu uuhuu … atta leni kodalu uttamuraalu oyammaa, kodalu leni atta gunavanturaalu ... aahuu uuhuu)” is one such example. I grew up hearing women sing జానపద గీతాలు (jaanapada geetaalu) while they grind peppers, grains, rice, or turmeric root using రుబ్బురోలు (rubbu rolu) and రోకలి (rokali).
రుబ్బురోలు (rubbu rolu) is a large grinding stone with a round hole in the middle. Another rounded stone with a wooden handle fits right into the hole in the large grinding stone. Stuff to grind goes into the hole and a rotating motion with the rounded stone using its wooden handle gets the job of grinding done. When grinding dry things such as peppers, rice, or turmeric root, a రోకలి (rokali) is used instead of the rounded stone with the handle. రోకలి (rokali) is a long wooden stick with a metal plate at the bottom and is used to pound grain placed in the hole in the రుబ్బురోలు (rubbu rolu). రోకలి (rokali) is called a rice pounder in English.
Three women would stand around a రుబ్బురోలు (rubbu rolu) taking turns dropping their రోకలి (rokali) into the small hole in the middle of the రుబ్బురోలు (rubbu rolu) striking peppers, grains, rice, or turmeric root to grind them into a fine powder. It is mesmerizing to watch them work in synchrony with perfectly timed strikes without clashing. In Telugu, this method of grinding is called దంపటం ((dampatam is pounding in Telugu). దంపుడు బియ్యం (dampudu biyyam) means stone ground rice.
Among the numerous జానపద గీతాలు (fjaanapada geetaalu) women and men sing as they do their daily chores, this song that begins with a sameta is very popular. It is known as the దంపుడు (dampudu) song as it is the go to song while grinding. “ఆహూ ఊహూ ... అత్త లేని కోడలుత్తమురాలు ఓయమ్మా కోడల్లేని అత్త గుణవంతురాలు ఓయమ్మా ... ఆహూ ఊహూ (aahuu uuhuu … atta leni kodalu uttamuraalu oyammaa, kodalu leni atta gunavanturaalu ... aahuu uuhuu)” means:
“A daughter-in-law without a mother-in-law is an excellent woman and a mother-in-law without a daughter-in-law is virtuous”.
This song is full of humor and sarcasm with back and forth banter bordering on bickering between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law. Mother-in-law asks for impossible things such as wanting cream on raw milk and butter on hot milk. She implies daughter-in-law might have eaten all the సున్నుండలు (sunnundalu) stored in a sling hanging from the beams in ceiling. It was a common practice to store milk and other food in slings hanging from the ceiling beams to keep them safe from animals. సున్నుండలు (sunnundalu) are sweet balls made out of roasted urad flour, butter, and jaggery or sugar. Daughter-in-law counters all of these challenges.
This song describes the unique and complex relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law using humor. Telugu language and literature has numerous sametas that describe the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law.
When multiple generations live together in a single household the struggle for power and control ensues. As a new bride is trying to get to know a group of strangers who became her family overnight, her mother-in-law assumes the role of passing down the traditions that were handed down to her by her mother-in-law. It is hard for a daughter-in-law to please her mother-in-law and for mother-in-law to offer praise. It is hard for a mother-in-law to please her daughter-in-law and for a daughter-in-law to offer praise.
This song is full of humor and brings back memories of fun and jokes in my family. My paternal and maternal grandfathers lost their mothers at a tender age of six. My తాతయ్య (tatayya) on my maternal side lost his father just six months after he lost his mother and his అమ్ముమ్మ (ammumma) raised him and his sister. My తాతయ్య (tatayya) on my paternal side was raised by his older brother and his wife. తాతయ్య (tatayya) is a generic Telugu word used for both paternal and maternal grandfather. అమ్ముమ్మ (ammumma) is maternal grandmother in Telugu).
నానమ్మ (naanamma) is paternal grandmother in Telugu). My నానమ్మ (naanamma) and my అమ్ముమ్మ (ammumma) were fortunate to have been raised by their parents. They didn’t have mothers-in-law and were excellent women according to this song. అమ్మ (Amma is mother in Telugu) is the first daughter-in-law to become part of my paternal grandparent's household. Since she doesn’t have any sons, she has no chance of enjoying the pleasure of passing down traditions to a daughter-in-law. I joke with అమ్మ (Amma) about her never having been an excellent woman and she has to settle for being just virtuous. నానమ్మ (naanamma) was an excellent woman never having been virtuous.
My బాబయ్య (babayya), నాన్న (Nanna)’s younger brother got married after నానమ్మ (naanamma) passed away. His wife, my పిన్ని (Pinni) was both an excellent woman and a virtuous one since she didn’t have a mother-in-law and didn’t have any sons. Babayya is father’s younger brother or husband of mother’s younger sister in Telugu). పిన్ని (Pinni) is father’s younger brother’s wife or mother’s younger sister in Telugu). Sadly, I am neither an excellent woman nor a virtuous one.
This song also brings back memories of thick cream floating on top of boiled milk in అమ్మ (Amma)’s kitchen. అమ్మ (Amma) made buttermilk from her homemade yogurt and extracted fresh butter from it. My favorite afternoon snack was a slice of milk bread with butter and sugar. We bought milk bread from corner general stores that sold soaps, detergent, coffee, medicine, and many other items. అమ్మ (Amma)’s green meat safe with two doors with wire mesh inserts had boiled milk, fresh butter, buttermilk, ghee, curd, and other food items kept safe from animals and critters. That was where I found వెన్న (venna is butter in Telugu) in the afternoon. వెన్న (venna) was white in color and fluffy unlike the yellow butter we find in the USA. If I saw yellow butter when I was growing up, I would not have touched it. Amusingly yellow butter is considered better in the USA and measures are taken to add color. It appears back in the day, butter in summer was yellow since it came from happy cows grazing on pastures full of luscious green grass and yellow wildflowers. Butter makers decided to make us all happy by adding color all year round.
This song brings back memories of అమ్మ (Amma)’s delicious సున్నుండలు (sunnundalu). Family jokes and food aside, this song carries a deeper meaning. It says that we don't really know how we would handle a situation until we experience it ourselves. We have to walk in another person’s shoes to understand them. Life experiences are true tests of our characters. This song also conveys the human predicament of forgetting our failures and troubles and expecting others to behave better than us. More importantly, it cautions us against forgetting the paths we walked on. “అత్త ఒకింటి కోడలే (atta okinti kodale)” is another Telugu sameta that describes this sentiment. It says that a mother-in-law herself was once a daughter-in-law, so she should know how difficult it is to leave the family and enter a new household. She should refrain from subjecting her daughter-in-law to criticism and treat her with compassion.
This wisdom applies to our experiences in all of the roles we play in our lives. We forget how hard it was to learn to drive, and we get impatient with new drivers on the road. I have to remember to sing this song when I am about to judge others and keep in mind that “అత్త ఒకింటి కోడలే (atta okinti kodale)”.
