Veranda Tales-Joking can be expensive

Storytelling has been an integral part of my life since childhood. I grew up listening to stories during the hot summer evenings and nights with my cousins. Mothers and grandmothers would gather all of us children for story time. It was usually pitch dark except for a very faint light coming from the flickering candle. Power cuts were as frequent as the hot and humid summer days. We all spread out on a cool concrete floor or bamboo mats on the veranda intently listening to fascinating stories about kings, queens, princes, princesses, and peasants alike. Stories about love, life, families, and people entertained and taught us life skills. These stories transported us to distant worlds, strange yet familiar. Often the same story told by two people sounded different as storytellers added new twists and turns adding their personal style and flair to the stories.

Storytelling wasn’t limited to summer evenings and bedtime. I was surrounded by adults who didn’t pass up an opportunity to share their wisdom using the art of storytelling. These rich vibrant oral traditions include songs, poems, stories, and సామెతలు (Sametalu are proverbs in Telugu). Men and women sing songs as they work in the fields, grinding grains and spices and doing other daily chores at their homes. Stories are often used to teach important life lessons, interpersonal skills, and survival skills. These stories and the time spent listening to them made our lives richer leaving an impression on me. This series is all about reliving those memories as I share these stories.

సరదాకి సమర్థాడితే చాకల్ది చీర పట్టుకెళ్లినందంట (saradaaki samathadithe chaakaldi cheera pattukellindanta)

Human life begins and ends with ceremonies marking the birth and the passing with a multitude of special occasions in between. I cherish the memories of watching my children lift their heads up for the first time, cooing, and crawling on all fours. I remember when my older one ate a banana smearing it all over his face, and my younger one polishing off the last remaining coffee drops from the bottom of my coffee mug and throwing the cup down wanting more coffee. Many more precious memories keep on getting added to the initial ones as they grow up, go to school, and leave the nest. The most important milestone as a parent for me is when I could fall asleep while they drive knowing that I am safe in their hands.

I remember some of my childhood ceremonies and heard stories about others from అమ్మ (amma is mom in Telugu). Many children taste rice for the first time at the age of seven or eight months or a year, during their అన్నప్రాసన (annaprasnana) ceremony. In this ceremony a child eats rice sitting in their dad’s or mom’s lap. This ceremony was more elaborate in our family during my childhood. Parents and family members place a book and fountain pen, jewelry, paddy (rice grains with husk) , and a baby safe knife at one end of a room and have the baby crawl towards one of these items as parents cheer on encouraging the baby to crawl towards them. The object of a baby's interest predicts their occupation when they become adults. The distance is usually less than eight feet with the path clearly marked with a bamboo mat or a piece of cloth so the baby's knees are cushioned as they crawl towards the object that catches their eye. This game can be rigged very easily so the baby crawls towards the shiniest object.

Picking a book and fountain pen would predict them becoming a famous writer, picking jewelry would predict them to become very rich, picking a knife would predict them growing up to be a fierce warrior, and picking a bowl of rice would predict their future as a farmer. In our fun loving family, picking any object would earn the baby a lot of teasing for years about the prediction. The outcome of the game will be etched into family lore to be repeated as the child grows up and fodder for parents as they tell stories to their grandchildren. అమ్మ (amma) tells me stories about how I picked a book and a fountain pen destined to become a bookworm.

Another important ceremony is going to Tirumala for శిరముండనం (siramundanam) to donate the hair they were born with. శిరముండనం (siramundanam means shaving hair on the head. It is a tradition among Hindus in the Telugu speaking world to perform the very first శిరముండనం (siramundanam) for their children at Tirumala. శిరముండనం (siramundanam is performed at other times to mark important occasions such as birth, death, and as an act of devotion. Men do this ritual more often than women. When I was a baby, I had long hair which was growing out of control before my parents could make time to take me to Tirumala. My uncle, my dad’s younger brother, took it upon himself to make my life easier by giving me a haircut at the expense of his safety. According to the family lore, he got in serious trouble with నానమ్మ (nanamma is paternal grandmother in Telugu) and got a severe talking to. I don’t remember the earlier ceremonies and finally going to Tirumala for శిరముండనం (siramundanam). I must mention that this was deemed pointless by నానమ్మ (nanamma) as she was still angry with my uncle. I have several pictures of me in bobbed hair as proof of my uncle’s transgression or sacrifice depending on the perspective.

Majority of Telugu children start their education at their అక్షరాభ్యాసం (Aksharaabhyasamu) ceremony by writing in rice at an auspicious time picked by a పూజారి (Pujari). అక్షరాలు (Aksharaalu) means alphabets and అభ్యాసం (abhyasamu) means practice in Telugu. Mine was at an age of three with my very first teacher officiating the ceremony. I sat in my నాన్న (Nanna is father in Telugu)’s lap as he held my right index finger to guide me to write Telugu alphabets అ, ఆ, ఉ, ఊ …

Coming of age ceremonies across time and cultures mark the end of childhood and beginning of adult life. The ones rooted in culture or religion are numerous and different. The common ones are  logistical in nature such as getting a driver's license, or registering to vote. The all important milestone of being able to sign permission slips to skip school. It could be getting sloppy drunk without the fear of getting caught.

Even the ones rooted in culture and religion could differ from region to region and family to family just like a simple coconut chutney recipe. Our family didn’t mark the coming of age like others did. I moved from place to place during my childhood and had the opportunity to learn about different coming of age ceremonies. In one village, parents throw a huge party inviting everybody in the village when their daughter starts menstruating. This marks the beginning of their daughter’s journey into adulthood. The newly minted adult sits on a freshly harvested కొబ్బరి మట్ట (kobbari matta is coconut leaf) as other adult women in the village come to give their blessings by sprinkling అక్షింతలు (akshintalu) on her head, applying గంధం (gandham) paste on her throat, and putting కుంకుమ (kumkuma) on her forehead. అక్షింతలు (akshintalu) is rice moistened with water mixed with పసుపు (pasupu is turmeric Telugu) and/or కుంకుమ (kumkuma) used for ceremonies and pooja. గంధం (gandham) is sandalwood in Telugu.

I was fascinated by the ceremony which was new and foreign to me as it wasn’t an occasion marked in my family. I got invited to several of these ceremonies during my 9th and 10th grades. I was embarrassed talking about this important transition in my life and when I heard others mention it. My classmate invited me to one and set me straight saying she would like me to be there with her when she celebrates this important milestone in her life. She asked me to set aside my city slicker reservations about celebrating important and natural events in life. I am thankful for her forthrightness and her wisdom to correct me to respect unfamiliar traditions that mark natural progressions in a human body and life. I attended her ceremony and enjoyed every minute of it. The delicious food served at the ceremony added to the enjoyment immensely.

I watched several classmates sit on a  freshly harvested కొబ్బరి మట్ట (kobbari matta) dressed in new clothes with a proud and beaming smile on their faces. It was an important transition for them in their lives. Several of them got married very soon after the ceremony according to their tradition. It was considered bad for a mature girl to stay unmarried for long. This ceremony is a way to send out a message to say, our daughter is ready for married life. My observation was that, my classmates started getting marriage proposals soon after they celebrated and enjoyed their కొబ్బరి మట్ట (kobbari matta) ceremony. Getting married at that young age is something I could live without and happy that it wasn’t our family tradition. I am thankful for my family for choosing to let me pursue my dreams even the ones that went against the family tradition.

I could not help but think about my coming of age and how అమ్మ (amma) started crying saying, “Why did this trouble and pain start so early?” I didn’t know anything about this change when it happened and was very concerned that I had some illness. అమ్మ (amma)’s display of emotion did wonders to my already heightened state of anxiety. I was unsure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I was terribly confused for a while. I would see అమ్మ (amma)  sharing the news in several whispering session whenever we met women in our extended family. I was very conscious of myself for close to a year until it became old news for అమ్మ (amma) and others. I wondered if it would have been better to celebrate or treat  the event as a normal milestone to be proud of instead of something that should be hidden and shared in whispers. It goes to show how different traditions surrounding these natural milestones in human life can be.

This sameta, “సరదాకి సమర్థాడితే చాకల్ది చీర పట్టుకెళ్లినందంట (saradaaki samathadithe chaakaldli cheera pattukellindanta) teaches an important life lesson using a coming of age tradition as a metaphor. The meaning of this sameta is, "When a girl lied, joking about her reaching the milestone of puberty, the washerwoman took her saree”. According to a tradition in some parts of the Telugu speaking world, when a girl starts menstruating, the clothes she was wearing at that time will be given away to their washerwoman. This girl happened to be dressed in a fine silk saree when she was kidding around which resulted in her ending up losing. Lying about something very important to have some fun turned out to be expensive. She could have chosen the time wisely to joke around when she was dressed in an old saree or a saree she disliked. The moral of this story is that lying even as a joke could be costly and that telling lies is bad, reminding people of the importance of truthfulness. It reminds me of people joking around unwisely as they go through security at airports about the stuff they are carrying only to be blessed with additional screening with no appreciation for their sense of humor. This sameta is an example of clever Telugu metaphors that are used in everyday life.