Veranda Tales-Familiarity breeds contempt - does it really?

Storytelling has been an integral part of my life since childhood. I grew up listening to stories during the hot summer evenings and nights with my cousins. Mothers and grandmothers would gather all of us children for story time. It was usually pitch dark except for a very faint light coming from the flickering candle. Power cuts were as frequent as the hot and humid summer days. We all spread out on a cool concrete floor or on bamboo mats on the veranda intently listening to fascinating stories about kings, queens, princes, princesses, and peasants alike. Stories about love, life, families, and people entertained and taught us life skills. These stories transported us to distant worlds which were strange yet familiar. Often the same story told by two people sounded different as storytellers added new twists and turns adding their personal style and flair to the stories.

Storytelling wasn’t limited to summer evenings and bedtime. I was surrounded by adults that didn’t pass up an opportunity to share their wisdom using the art of storytelling. The rich and vibrant oral traditions include songs, poems, stories, and సామెతలు (Sametalu are proverbs in Telugu). Men and women sing songs as they work in the fields, grind grains and spices and other daily chores at their homes. Stories are often used to teach important life lessons, interpersonal skills, and survival skills. These stories and the time spent listening to them made our lives richer leaving an impression on me. This series is all about reliving those memories as I share these stories.

Us humans are full of contradictions like the world around us. We say “Don’t judge the book by its cover” which means try to get to know somebody or something better before forming an opinion, either good or bad. I have had my share of buying and reading books whose covers lured me into wasting my money and precious time. I have taken a chance on a book with an ordinary looking cover and found it to be a gem. The message to take away is don’t make snap judgements on situations and people and act on them. Act on them being the important message. We also say “First impressions never have a second chance” which tells us to rely on our first impressions over taking the time to form opinions.

Then there is the “Familiarity breeds contempt” proverb that informs us that getting closer to  someone or something leads to losing respect for them or it. We also say “Familiarity is comforting”. There is nothing like coming back to a bowl of plain rice and daal after a week or two of eating gourmet food on vacation. I am reminded of the times my kids ran back into the house after vacations looking for their beloved stuffed animals and toys. I am skeptical about familiarity breeds contempt. I believe familiarity is indeed comforting and it breeds fondness. This is the reason why we can meet friends we haven’t seen for years and go right back to where we left off when we took leave saying, “See you later”. Here is a story which conveys that familiarity breeds fondness. This story reminds me of feeling comfortable and safe in familiar places and with people I know well.

Once upon a time there was a lady, Nirmalamma, who lived in a cottage and made a living by selling flowers she grew in her garden. She would harvest మల్లెపువ్వులు (Jasmine), కనకాంబరాలు (Kanakabaramu is Firecracker flower in Telugu) in the evening and spend time weaving them into garlands. She would store them in woven reed baskets ready to take to market the following morning. She would cover the garlands with wet cloth to keep them fresh. She would place the baskets in a cool area of her little cottage or on the porch if it was too hot inside. These were the days before refrigeration. She would take them to the market the following morning for sale. The beautiful fragrance of flowers filled every nook and corner of her cottage and escaped outside. Her neighbors and others enjoyed and admired it as they walked by her cottage.

One evening, two fisherwomen came by asking for shelter for the night. Nirmalamma said they could sleep on the porch and supplied them with bamboo mats and blankets. The fisherwomen kept their baskets full of fish outside and settled down to sleep. It was a quiet night except for an occasional dog barking in the distance. A pleasant breeze was blowing, carrying the fragrance of flowers from the cottage and the flowers growing around the cottage. The moon was playing hide and seek with the clouds. There was a gentle hum of the crashing waves from the ocean nearby. The two women were unable to fall asleep. The music of crashing waves was soothing and could easily lull them to sleep. However, the fragrance was very distracting and foreign to them. They tossed and turned for a couple of hours. Then it occurred to them that they were missing a familiar and comforting smell. Then they got up and moved their beds closer to their baskets full of fish and fell sound asleep within a few minutes.

I heard this story growing up told as an example of how our environments shape and influence our habits and behaviors. As for me, I am so used to cinnamon being used in meat dishes. It took some getting used to seeing it used in sweet dishes when I was first exposed to European cuisine. Cinnamon in apple pie, oatmeal or rice pudding is indeed strange for people who grew up on Indian cuisine which uses cinnamon heavily in meat and poultry dishes. I do love apple pie and add cinnamon to my oatmeal, but I draw the line when my dental hygienist offers me cinnamon flavored tooth polish.