She lives on in my memory
She came into my life when she married బాబయ్య(Babayya), my father’s younger brother. బాబయ్య(Babayya) is father’s younger brother or mother’s younger sister’s husband in Telugu. I traveled in a bus to the wedding with బాబయ్య(Babayya), తాతయ్య (Tatayya), my parents, aunts, uncles, and all my cousins from our grandparents place to where పిన్ని (Pinni) and her family lived. It was a common practice for the bridegroom's family to rent a bus or book an entire compartment on a train to travel to the bride's place for the wedding ceremony. Bride’s family takes on the responsibility to host the bridegroom's family and other guests who come to attend the wedding.
It was an overnight journey that went by quickly as we chatted, laughed and didn’t get much sleep. The bus reverberated with lively conversations and laughter. Consuming large quantities of sweets was definitely on the agenda as one would expect with a bus full of people heading to an Indian wedding. The preparation for the wedding itself lasted a few months as తాతయ్య (Tatayya) oversaw shopping for clothes and stitching outfits for all his children, their spouses, and grandchildren. తాతయ్య (Tatayya) would have a clothing merchant come to our house with samples and we would pick what we liked. Then a tailor came home to take measurements and come back with stitched outfits. Voila! We had new outfits for the wedding.
When we reached Rajahmundry early in the morning, we stopped the bus as we got close to the newly opened Godavari Bridge to walk across it. The wedding ceremony took place in the middle of the night at an auspicious time picked by a poojari (poojari is a priest in Telugu). The auspicious time is called the muhurtham which is picked specifically for the bride and groom based on their times of birth for them to start their married life full of joy and happiness. బాబయ్య(Babayya) was the youngest of my grandparent’s nine children. His wedding was the one where most of us sixteen grandchildren were old enough to fully participate and enjoy. We had a ball on the bus going to the wedding and at the wedding. The real fun started on the way back, curiously watching the new bride and too shy to strike up a conversation.
After the wedding పిన్ని (Pinni) came back with us to our grandparent’s place. పిన్ని (Pinni is father’s younger brother’s wife or mother’s younger sister in Telugu). We traveled back in the bus with the newlyweds. పిన్ని (Pinni) smiled brightly and embraced us kids, her newly acquired group of nephews and nieces. We all immediately fell in love with her admiring her bright smile and friendly nature. We used to fight over who would stand next to her when we took pictures and sit next to her when we went into the room she was in to chat with her. బాబయ్య(Babayya) had to contend with us all to get a few minutes with his new bride.
I was in my awkward pre-teen phase of wanting to talk, yet too shy to get a word out. When somebody asked me a question, I would mumble something and get down on myself for not being able to respond properly. పిన్ని (Pinni) showed genuine interest in me and all my cousins. She didn’t shoo us away. She made me feel comfortable to get out of my shell even if it was just with her. She asked questions about our interests and what we liked and disliked as she tried to get to know her new clan. I came to admire Pinni's genuine interest in people, her ability to connect with them, and the effort she put in to maintain relationships - a quality I strive to model as best as I can after shedding my shy pre-teen routine.
I didn’t know at that time that పిన్ని (Pinni) was a big sister and mother hen rolled into one taking care of her siblings. She was there for them when they were afraid to talk to their elders about what they wanted to do. She provided emotional and logistical support to them and was there for them. She was a strong individual with terrific strategic and management skills.
I didn’t get to see her much after the wedding. We occasionally met at weddings and family events. There was one memory of her as a new mother that stands out among the rest. I went with my parents and sister to meet బాబయ్య(Babayya) and పిన్ని (Pinni) as they were passing through our town on their way to my grandfather’s place. They were taking their newborn baby to visit తాతయ్య (Tatayya). It was rather dark as I stood on the platform talking to పిన్ని (Pinni) through the train window as she held her newborn. The image of పిన్ని (Pinni) as a new mother cradling her newborn stayed with me. I left for college soon after and didn’t get to see her much. Our lives drifted apart as I moved to the other side of the globe. It wasn’t easy to be in touch back then when there was no Internet and video chats.
పిన్ని (Pinni) was an elegant and charming lady. Her beautiful big eyes were full of warmth and love. She wore beautiful sarees. She carried herself with grace. She didn’t wear any makeup and meticulously dressed in starched and ironed cotton sarees. She would change into a clean saree in the evening to go to her family temple. Her grandfather or ancestors donated money to have a temple built. She could walk into their family temple any time she liked for darshan (glimpse in Telugu or Sanskrit) even after it was closed for the day. Darshan is a word used for seeing a deity, a holy person or an artifact in Hinduism. She went to church once a year on Christmas.
She was very social and personable. She maintained and tended to her relationships with utmost care, staying in touch by calling people she loved and cared about. She had a green thumb for growing and maintaining a beautiful garden of relationships with friends and family alike.
She sat on the balcony in the mornings with a hot cup of coffee, exchanging messages with friends and family and talking to them. My day started with receiving a good morning text message from her. We chatted most weekends. She stayed connected with all her friends scattered around the globe. She routinely went to visit her friend’s parents who still lived close by. She took on the responsibility to teach neighborhood kids who didn’t have an educated adult at their home. She supported them financially as needed.
She took care of grandfather and father until the end of their lives with బాబయ్య(Babayya’s) help. She cared for her mother afterwards until her own illness limited her capabilities and prevented her from caring for her. She cared for her family and helped బాబయ్య(Babayya) take care of his. She left a grieving husband, daughter, mother, and siblings in addition to several nephews and nieces from her and her husband’s side of the family and scores of people she touched with her love and friendship.
పిన్ని (Pinni) was very affectionate and caring towards her family and friends. She made me feel loved, seen, understood, and supported. She loved అమ్మ (Amma is mother in Telugu) and నాన్న (Nanna is father in Telugu). She took care of అమ్మ (Amma) after నాన్న (Nanna) passed away. She would call అమ్మ (Amma) every single day to check on her and continued to call her even when she was bedridden and in severe pain during the final weeks of her life. She made everybody feel special and treated them with respect. She had an amazing ability to instantly connect with people. I remember her striking up conversation with my two boys when they first met her. It took no time for my little one to be in her lap chatting up a storm.
She used to make the best semiya upma, a South Indian breakfast dish made out of Vermicelli, onions, and green hot peppers. She effortlessly sauteed onions to perfection in a బాండ్లి (bandli is wok in Telugu) before adding semia listening to my chatter as I stood next to her sipping a hot cup of coffee. We had this standing joke between the two of us. I would joke with her that I was her eldest daughter and she would smile and say, “Yes you are తల్లీ (Talli)”. తల్లీ (means mother in Telugu) is an affectionate way to address daughters and younger women in the family. Adults in my family usually end a question or sentence with తల్లీ at the end when they are talking to younger women in the family.
I saw her for the last time when I went to visit India about six months before she passed away. She came to the airport with బాబయ్య(Babayya) to pick me up. We went shopping for sweets and enjoyed an evening eating మిర్చి బజ్జీలు (mirchi bajjilu) with పిన్ని (Pinni), అమ్మ (Amma), and my cousin whom I call “Little Sis”. పిన్ని (Pinni) took a small bite as they were too hot for her and encouraged me to eat more. మిర్చి బజ్జీలు (mirchi bajjilu) are hot peppers stuffed with spices and deep fried, local to Andhra Pradesh. She asked me to come stay with her for a couple of days. I regret not having been able to do so due to other commitments. I cherish the memory of her coming to see me off at the airport and the memory of our last hug before I walked towards the terminal. Little did I know it was the last time I would be able to see her.
I spoke to her five days before death as she was lying in bed in pain. She still made time to call and chat with me over a video call. She was in good spirits and was hoping she could start walking after her prescribed bed rest of three more weeks at that time. She ended the call like always with “Bye తల్లీ (Talli), God bless you ”. I am thankful for this last memory to cherish for the rest of my life.
I am thankful for having reconnected with her after నాన్న (Nanna) passed away. I regret that I relied on నాన్న (Nanna) being the communication central and didn’t take the time to maintain my own relationships until he was gone. Universe works in mysterious ways when it takes a loved one away from you, it brings others into your life. I am thankful for having reconnected to bask in పిన్ని (Pinni’s) love and affection for the last eight years of our time together. All of us play several roles as a child, a spouse, a parent, an aunt or uncle, a friend during our lifetime. It is hard for any one person to see all facets of one's life. I had a window into పిన్ని (Pinni’s) life as an aunt and friend who loved me, and supported me unconditionally even though she had absolutely no obligation to do so.
పిన్ని (Pinni) passed away while I was on a flight and didn’t hear about her passing right away. She passed away peacefully in బాబయ్య (Babayya’s) arms. This is a tribute to honor పిన్ని (Pinni) on her first birthday after she left us. As I cherish her love and memories, I am thankful for our time together. She lives on in my memory.
